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Ep. 83 My Brother Calls

Ep. 83 My Brother Calls

 

Today we field a complaint from my brother, Andrew. Three complaints actually: sports talk radio, ill-fitting jeans and Ultimate frisbee. I think I know a lot about all three. I too have these same complaints and yet, I can’t profess to be completely without sin, either. I used to listen to sports talk radio daily. I played Ultimate for years. I may have even worn ill-fitting jeans (although that is rather unlikely as I am incredibly well-dressed).

Are mom jeans ill-fitting? Or are they too fitted? It feels good to have a high-waisted pant on. Your genitals and your ass are all safe and  secure. And your stomach is held in. Which is worse, poo-catchers or mom jeans? Welcome to The Complaint Department.

 

Firm handshakes,

 

J.B. & The Double Dee in a chilly Toronto

 

Ep. 82 Escalator Etiquette

Ep. 82 Escalator Etiquette

 

Stand on the right, walk on the left g-darnit. How hard is that? Today we field a call from Penelope in Toronto. She’s a subway rider and she’s sick and tired of people clogging up the escalators. So am I!

Are you sick and tired of something? Call 1 437 888 3261 and have your say.

 

Reachers (consensual),

JB & Dee Dee in the 416

Ep. 81 I Took A Life…

Ep. 81 I Took A Life…

 

Today on In the Dark I have a confession to make: I’m a killer. I don’t know what, if any, recriminations are in store for me but I hope you will not judge. I hope you will find it in your heart to sympathize with me. Either way you can have your say by calling The Complaint Department at 1 437 888 3261.

Then Diana and I take a call from Dave in Toronto. He doesn’t like garbage day. I don’t either. It smells bad, you have to take all your bins to the curb from the back of the house, down the stairs and then later get the empty bins back up the stairs in the rain, with the kids and the groceries. But imagine if the garbage guys never showed up? That would be worse. I don’t want to be surrounded by the evidence of the good life, well lived. It’s just too shameful… what with all the empty lady-yoghurt containers you’d find.

 

Big ol’ meaningfuls,

JB and Dee Dee!

 

Ep. 79 Benjamin Ratner Tackles My Neediness

Ep. 79 Benjamin Ratner Tackles My Neediness

 

I am sooo boring! All I ever do is whine about the same things: My career ( or lack there of), my creative process, my pipe dreams, my, my, my. Blah blah blah. Luckily, Benny is a professional mentor and really good at taking care of man-children such as myself. He’s been doing it for 20 years. I know you’ll enjoy this episode. Sorry about the sound issues. Alex Goldman has given me some tips on improving it. Look for everything to be squared away by the time upcoming episodes from Calgary, LA and New York are broadcast.

I know there’s about a quarter million podcasts out there and I thank you for choosing mine to listen to.

 

Reachers,

JB

Ep. 78 Vocal Fry and Malcolm Gladwell

Ep. 78 Vocal Fry and Malcolm Gladwell

 

Today a double-shot of complainin’! Toronto Bruce calls in and asks Big Dee and I to solve the vocal fry epidemic. And then we field a call from Kevin who doesn’t like Gladwell or dumb people quoting him. Two great calls for the price of one!

 

Why don’t YOU call us at 1 437 888 3261? It feels soooo good.

 

Reachers,

J.B. in a sunny cool Toronto and Dee in a snowy (wtf?) Vancouver

 

Ep. 77 Cop Gives Ticket to Cyclist = Cops Are Dicks

Ep. 77 Cop Gives Ticket to Cyclist = Cops Are Dicks

 

Who’s printing emails so often that I still get them from corporate clients with an annoying note at the bottom asking me to think of the environment before I print this email? I was never going to print an email from you. Who’s printing emails like it’s 1989 that they are still asking others to stop and think about Mother Nature as though they are the arbiters of conservation?

And another thing that bothers me (and today’s caller) is the lack of sympathy cops have for cyclists. Chris from Toronto calls in to tell us of his recent run-in with the law. All this and so much more on The Complaint Department.

Call us at 1 437 888 3261!

Reach-arounds,

 

JB &  The Big Ol’ Dee

Ep. 76 Jian, Roots And Hopelessness

Ep. 76 Jian, Roots And Hopelessness

 

I have so much doubt in myself. Why am I still writing? What makes me think I can create anything remarkable? This is my midlife crisis. I haven’t been able to actually pinpoint what it was. At first I thought it was just an uptick in my obsession with my mortality but it’s not just that. It’s the more than likely possibility that I’ve spent the last 12 years doing something I’ll never find success at. And that made me think of Jian Gomeshi. He’s still making his podcast The Ideation Project. Which is nuts. Talk about creating in the face of abject hopelessness. How does a guy like that keep going? And if he can, why can’t I?

Looking for inspiration from Jian Gomeshi. Never thought I’d write that sentence.

Then Dee and I take a call from Jeff in Toronto. He hates Roots, the store. Hates their track pants, their dimpled leather and their beavers. It’s a great chat that brings up a lot of painful memories Dee and I share about our late friend Joanne. It gets heavy and dark and rul rul funny.

Thanks for listening,

 

J.B. and Diana

Ep. 74 Uber is German for “About”

Ep. 74 Uber is German for “About”

 

Hi Lovers!

Willkommen to In ze Dark. Another Complaint Department today, this time about Uber (which means “about” in German). Have you been replacing the word “super” with “uber”. We’ve been mis-sprechen sie deutsch for years. When did we start saying “uber”? And why? And now that it means a car-share service do we even like it anymore?

Stephen from Toronto calls in with his complaint that Uber drivers don’t really know what they’re doing. J’agree, Stephen. But that’s what you get when you take a discounted ride from a guy that last week was working at Best Buy. Don’t get me wrong, it’s no better taking a cab. But Uber drivers don’t want to be driving for Uber. It’s not a good job as much as it is a cheaper car service to hire. I think we could all lower our expectations. Besides, Uber could be banned here in Toronto like it is in Denmark, Hungary, Finland, South Korea, Vancouver, Austin, Portland, Italy and parts of Australia. It’s license will not be renewed in London next year. Transport for London ruled that Uber was not “fit and proper” to operate in London because of safety concerns, including its failure to report alleged sexual assaults by its drivers (Monday, Oct. 9th, 2017, Financial Times, ). In India, where it is still operating in cities despite being banned, sexual assaults are prevalent enough that Uber now comes with an SOS feature. Great, now you can text somebody you’re being molested by the man in the front seat. Maybe his mother will drop by to throw acid on your face as well. Way to go India!

If you have a complaint you want to share call 1-437-888-3261. We’d love to hear from you.

 

Reachers,

J.B. and Diana in a sunny Toronto