Today Diana and I field a call from Michael in Toronto who has a beef with people not using turning lanes properly. Look, we’ve all got to do what we can to get home safely especially if we’ve wrapped ourselves in 2000 lbs of weaponized, motorized steel. We’ve strapped a metal bomb to our stomachs and we propel ourselves through cities filled with pedestrians. And then we get stressed out when we have to wait 10 seconds for a light to turn green or for a taxi parked in a fucking bike line or a cop that just parks wherever the fuck they want. Love cops!
Call 1 437 888 3261
Diana & J.B.
Diana Frances joins me as we field a call from Karen from Toronto. She needs to talk traffic… And pigeons. Fair enough, Karen. Both those things annoy me.
Call us anytime at 1 437 888 3261 and leave your complaint in our box!
JB & Diana
The Complaint Department
Save your complaints for someone who cares
Don Enright spent three decades working in Hollywood producing TV and Film. He had it all: the fancy office in Santa Monica, the Ferrari, the broads and even the French restaurant that cost him a shitload of money. Then he moved to beautiful North Saanich. Yeah, North Saanich! Not even Victoria. Yeesh. At least he’s still got the black 308 (same one that Magnum had).
Don has made more than 50 movies (mostly for TV) including The Cover Girl and the Cop, Not Of This World and What Kind of Mother Are You? He’s won three Emmy’s and has worked with Sony, Warner Bros, Universal, NBC, ABC, CBS, Lifetime and Discovery. Today I talk to him about his career but, rest assured, I also talk to him about mine. After all, that’s what we’re here for. When I ask what I’m doing wrong he says something no one has ever said to me before. He says, and I’m paraphrasing, that I don’t have enough faith in the scripts I’ve written to move heaven and earth to get the right people to read them. When great advice comes along it’s so easy to recognize. And it sounds so obvious. And it is, unfortunately, never a shortcut.
I loved talking to Don. He’s got some great stories. And I got his phone number so I’m going to be bothering him regularly for more advice.
Coming up I’ve got a new segment on the show called The Complaint Department. It’s where listeners like you call 1 (437) 888-3261 and leave a brief message complaining about something. Then the great Diana Frances and I will talk about your complaint. It’s a way to get the neggies out in a safe place instead of reacting emotionally in the moment. Sound familiar? We’d love to hear from you.
I’m off to Frankfurt and Bucharest now. If you don’t hear from me it’s because I’ve joined a fascist political party and I’m taking East Moldovia for myself. After all, they’re known for their big reds.
J.B. at Pearson Airport (Why aren’t there any Whitespots in Ontario by now?!)
Scandal after scandal the Angry Mango is dragging the U.S. and the world down a dangerous road of incompetency that at best will be a long sad joke and at worst nuclear war. His ego, fuelled by genetic delusion and vestigial amounts of stupefying testosterone, drive him to act like a spoiled 5 year-old. But we must soldier on. He wants us to turn off. He wants us to stop paying attention. He wants to run the USA like he runs his companies: autocratically.
It should have been Bernie. He wasn’t the spoiler, Hilary was. What a catastrophe. If there’s anything good about Trump is that he has mobilized the Left. He’ll have ruined the Republican party for decades to come. And the democrats have ruined themselves. What will rear it’s head next? I’m hoping for an independent; a nice lesbian of colour that doesn’t happen to be rich.
We have to keep paying attention. We must hold their feet to the fire because anybody can be a politician. It takes no pre-requisites. They can be complete idiots and still become leader of the free world. I have to keep reading the news. But we need balance too. Fair and balanced. Just like Fox News. That’s why I’m now going to Bar Raval with Hutsul to eat grilled sardines and drink Spanish wine and enjoy the best this city has to offer. Before a radicalized young Islamic man makes a bad decision due to his testosterone and blows it up.
Pizzagate is a conspiracy theory that emerged during the 2016 United States presidential election cycle. You’ve heard of it but if you’re anything like me you didn’t actually know anything about it. And let me just preface this episode by saying that you still won’t know anything about it after you listen. In spite of mine and my guest’s best efforts it is a quagmire of misinformation and leaps in logic. But that’s why I like a good conspiracy theory. They are juicy! Because it’s gossip. And we are told it’s bad to gossip. It’s negative, impolite and it’s judgmental. But it feels so good when we’re doing it. And then you feel dirty afterwards. Kinda like masturbation. Or pork rinds.
Pizzagate has it all: Hillary Clinton leads a child sex-trafficking ring that also performs Satanic rituals! Thankfully for the ardent self-investigators (AKA the Online Trump Tribe) there are also Jewish people, gay people and democratic people involved. It’s a fuckin’ salad of what is wrong with ‘murica.
I’m so judgmental and snarky, I know. I want to be open-minded but it’s hard when faced with such lunacy. That said, there are some weird elements to this story that are hard to explain. The kind and patient Bob Brun from Ohio, a man that voted for Donny-T, has looked into the Pizzagate affair and has found some compelling evidence.
Long, meaningful but completely appropriate hugs from sunny Toronto!
This guy is so great I can’t stand it. I want to resent him. But I can’t, dammit…
Fab is an award-winning playwright, screenwriter and actor. He’s written and directed this amazing new digital series called Save Me for the Ceeb. As a playwright, he was most recently nominated for a Dora Award for his play The Summoned. As an actor he was recently nominated for a Canadian Screen Award for his performance in the series Guidestones. He wrote and co-produced NBC’s comedy Working The Engels and co-wrote the true crime indie, Perfect Sisters, starring Abigail Breslin and Mira Sorvino. As an actor you might also know him from the groundbreaking Showtime series Queer As Folk. He also starred in his own series, Billable Hours, and is often recognized for a stint on Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
What an asshole, right? I wish. On top of all that he’s a really nice fella. Funny, charming, easy on the eyes. How does he do it? Especially when he’s come from an upbringing filled with alcoholism and violence. We get into for about an hour and a quarter at his office at Tarragon Theatre here in Toronto. I encourage you to watch Save Me before you listen so you understand why I’m so disgustingly effusive. I wish I had some self-respect.
Love you long time behind the dumpster at the A&W off the 400 on your way to Cottage Country,
Diana Frances and I have a great, informative and hilarious talk about the male gaze, meditation, getting older and not wearing bras. She has an interesting perspective on how to remain funny and pointed in the age of correctness.
I learned a lot but I’m not gonna talk about it at the end of the podcast as I usually do because I don’t have time and I am hungry. Plus I gotta go pick up ze kinder.
Hire Diana to write for your TV show. She just won an award for her half-hour comedy, Given Up, based on her heinous childhood. The most heinous childhood in history.
I love talking to D. She’s so easy to have a great conversation with.
Upcoming episodes include a chat with Fab Filippo. He talks about his new show, the highly acclaimed Save Me, on CBC. It is really good. Surprising, funny and dark as midnight. Sure it’s upsetting that I’m not on it. Of course I resent Fab’s successes. It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t. But the neggies subside faster than they used to. Progess.
In the meantime I’m sending you meaningful, lingering drama hugs from warm, wet Toronto. Come and visit. Just wait until July when the cicadas are screaming. Not to be missed.
It is a conversation I have had monthly with fellow actors or writers or filmmakers or just some guy that fell asleep on the subway: “What are we doing all this for? Should we keep going? When is anyone going to notice?” And every time the answer is the same: “What else would we do?” I spend 95% of my time working on pipe dreams that no one ever sees. But it seems like not an unreasonable ratio of success. It’s just unreasonable to meet it with a smile every day. Unless you’re David Ray.
A stalwart at the SyFy Channel, six of his MOW screenplays have been produced as has his forays into animation, including work on the series ANIMISM for APTN and THE HENCHMEN for Bron Studios. He was also the lead writer on the blockbuster NEED FOR SPEED: CARBON with Electronic Arts. Check out his latest feature Grand Unified Theory now in theatres!
Subscribe to the newsletter and see photos of the guests at inthedarkshow.com.
Ami Gladstone makes great art and has done for a long time. I am equal parts jealous and proud of him. In his latest play (a musical adaptation of a two hundred year old Russian poem) called Onegin he has co-created (with Veda Hille) his biggest success to date.
I don’t resent his success, surprisingly, but I do wish I could make great art like he does. And I wish I could get it seen by so many people. So, we sit down and talk on the mics of what I might do to turn my performance woes around. I miss being on stage. I don’t miss stand-up much or improv at all but I do miss a crowd. Last Tuesday night I went a little hard with the jokes at my Mindful Parenting class because I was faced with a captive audience. It made me think what wifers has to go through all the time. It can be exhausting listening to me.
Ami has worked as a director or playwright for numerous companies including Vancouver Playhouse, Arts Club Theatre, Touchstone Theatre, Alberta Theatre Projects. He is a graduate of the University of Victoria and a founder of Theatre Skam. Gladstone’s plays have been produced across Canada, as well as in New York, Philadelphia, France, and Romania. He currently lives in Vancouver.
Thank you so much for listening to the In the Dark 2nd Quarterly Review. We’re up to 53 episodes! Halfway to the 100 mark at which time this will end.
Here’s hoping I’ve given you something here. I’ve probably offended and annoyed you. Have I bored you? Definitely. But that can be useful too. Turn me on when you’re having a hard time sleeping. Listen to me prattle on about nothing. Let me help you let go of the day that no longer exists. As my friend Jeff Low says in episode 38, “each night when we fall asleep we give it all up.” Give it all up to me when you’re in the dark.
Either way I’m honoured to be in your ears. Maybe one day I can also be in your pants. Who knows… Crazier things have happened (in your pants).
For a transcript of this 2nd Quarterly Review go to Inthedarkshow.com
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Deep and abiding love,
J.B. in a rainy Toronto